Dear Entrepreneurs, Don't Forget Your Children
Today’s Motivational Monday is aimed at you, dear entrepreneurs. It’s something we forget, and I’ve been guilty of too.
Yesterday my scheduled motivational post went out on Instagram with this quote:
“Dear Entrepreneurs,
You can start a thousand businesses, launch 100 projects and take dozens of companies public, but you only have one shot at being part of your kid’s childhood.”
-Jon Acuff
Jon Acuff is an author who helps businesses write their stories. He’s worked with some pretty big companies too, like the Dave Ramsey Team and The Home Depot. Most importantly, though, he is a father to two daughters.
It sounds to me like he might have some first-hand experience with this quote.
He’s right though.
Hitting Close to Home
Coming from someone with an entrepreneurial (and workaholic) spirit, this is something that I’ve struggled with before. My default programming is kind of a workaholic… not kind of… IS a workaholic. When I’m bored my mind has always gone to my job and how I can take it a step further that day.
However, something epic changed in my life that challenged how I viewed everything. Last year I decided that things were going to be different.
I prioritized my family.
When I left my stable job working for the state government, I was determined to be there for my two children more. I was determined that my husband would see my eyes (and not the back of my head working at a computer). I still had to work, but finding a job in Alaska that would let me do that was difficult.
So I built my own job.
I became a virtual assistant. One of my main goals from becoming a virtual assistant is that I wanted to watch our two-year-old daughter myself. Yes, I’ve had to call on the two Grandma’s when I’ve got meetings with clients, but I wanted to be the one to raise my daughter.
You see, I felt like my 10-year-old son was raised by me AND my parents, and that never set well with me. Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for the support they gave. My situation could have been MUCH worse. I was a young single mom, but I felt like I missed everything when he was little because I had to work.
This time I was determined that it would be different. I would raise our daughter, and my mother would get the chance to be a grandmother and not a second mother.
My work revolves around my family, not my family revolving around my work.
In October 2018, I kicked off AK Lean Virtual Assistance. I was terrified but excited as well. The first month was busy but wonderful. I had no clients yet, and was building up a social media presence for my business. I could walk away from the computer whenever I wanted (or whenever my two-year-old “boss” determined I needed to).
Old Habits Die Hard
Then, in November, clients came. Unfortunately, my old tendencies kicked back in and I started prioritizing my work life over my family life. The two grandmas were watching my two-year-old all day, and my son was at school. Nothing had changed.
I was frustrated, and started to wonder why I had even quit a stable job if they were still watching her all day. Why did I leave the comfort of a regular paycheck if I’m not watching her?
In December, things changed. My extended family in Iowa experienced a few medical episodes that my mother had to leave for two weeks to attend to. That meant that one of my “babysitters” for my daughter was gone during a cray hectic month.
I will fully admit - I panicked.
What was I going to do with only one grandma?? During Christmas, with a new business, and me trying to convince my clients that I’m open enough to take on their work!
Somehow I struggled through it, but it also meant that the remaining grandma watched her more and my husband took a few hours off from work.
That didn’t sit well with me. Me working from home was supposed to help my husband focus more on his career, and give me the opportunity to raise my child. WHAT WAS GOING ON??
All About the Mindset
January was slow, and the routine was pretty regular. The two grandmas were still watching our daughter all day, and I was still at home frustrated that things weren’t any different than they were when I was working for the state.
This is NOT was I had planned it would be like. And that frustrated me. Then I had an “ah-ha” moment!
It WASN’T what i planned it would be like, because I hadn’t decided that it would be!
The only thing preventing me from having my ideal life was me. The grandmas weren’t holding our daughter hostage, they were being kind and watching her because I ASKED THEM TO. My husband had taken off work in December because I ASKED HIM TO. My schedule wasn’t working around my family because I WASN’T MAKING IT!!
It was all in my mindset - and I could change that! (Imagine my excitement and embarrassment when I realized I had created the problem myself!!)
The Turn Around
In February, my husband’s parents were going on a vacation for two and a half weeks. This time it was going to be different than December. I kept our daughter home, and my husband didn’t take off work but once (when I had a meeting that I had to physically attend).
Five amazing things happened.
I became more productive.
Understanding that if I wanted undistributed, dedicated work time I would ONLY get that for two hours in the morning, maybe two hours at nap time, and about two hours at night. This meant that I learned to hyper focus my task priorities and eliminate unnecessary distractions.
I learned to support my priorities.
With my mindset change, I became less afraid to be honest with my clients. If I was in a virtual meeting, I was upfront that I work from home and that my two-year-old might “pop in and say hi accidentally”. Most of the time they laughed. :) I also was less afraid to tel them I needed advance notice to be out of my office, and that my meeting times were only during certain hours. And you know what - they understood!
My mom became a grandma.
My mom no longer was a second mother, which meant that when she did watch our kiddos, she could enjoy it. And, since I was watching them more, I became less of a dictator to my parents when it came to things like sugar and being spoiled (because that’s what grandparents are supposed to do).
I learned how to ask for help when I needed it.
I have never been good at asking for help, and having both grandmas watch our daughter fed into that. They watched her so much that I always felt guilty asking for help. Now, I have learned to ask for help when I have meetings to physically go to, and I don’t feel guilty because I know that if I’m asking, I really need the help.
My family is happy.
Since I firmly decided that my mindset had to change, my family has been much happier. Our house is filled with laughter on most days, and my husband and I smile much more.
Takeaways
This has been a pretty long Motivational Monday post, but I feel that it’s well worth it. There was a few key takeaways that I want to make sure you caught.
I accepted that I was a workaholic.
I decided to prioritize my family.
I built a job that fit my needs (since I couldn’t find one - if you can find one that does them more power to you!)
I made a firm decision that work would revolve around my family, not the other way around.
I admitted that I was struggling with the previous takeaway.
I realized how powerful your mindset is.
I DECIDED TO CHANGE.
Dear entrepreneurs, I hope that sharing my own struggle to realize that my children are worth it has helped you. Jon Acuff is right - you can build 100 successful ventures, but they will never be able to replace the childhood that you’re missing.
